


Lost In Time

by SwampRAT



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Doubt, POV First Person, POV Steve Rogers, Repressed Memories, Steve Rogers Has PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-06 03:34:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5401445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwampRAT/pseuds/SwampRAT
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coming off as that stoic, perfect soldier that he might be physically, Steve has plenty of hang ups he struggles with daily.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost In Time

_"The rain... That's all it took. This simple act of water falling from the sky is all it took to trigger that horrid memory, bringing all of the lovely emotions embedded into it back to the surface as well. Why did it have to be the rain? The smallest possible detail of that memory had to be the trigger. Why?! There were so many other things that could have set me off on this road again, so why did it have to be the rain? Actually, why did it have to be that particular memory? Out of everything that happened, everything I went through, that had to be the one memory set off by this insignificant natural occurrence. If things couldn't get any worse, this one memory had to be the gateway to all of the other locked away memories. All of them! Not just the crash, not just the train, it was every single last one of those god forsaken memories. Just to make matters even more 'fantastic', once these emotions and memories are pulled to the surface there is no stopping them. It was like opening a floodgate; there was no stopping this rush of emotions until it gets to it's end naturally._

_Fear, anger, despair, grief, loneliness, guilt, regret, pain, and anything else you can think of to describe some of the most horrible moments in your life. Watching your best friend fall to their death, doing things for the country you love knowing you will be hated for it, having to make the hard designations, doing something you know you won't walk away from, leaving those who loved you behind to do the right thing... That last thing you want to do at the end of it all is to wake up and realize you've missed your whole life, hearing everything you gave you're life to try and stop was just the first of the whole mass of other bullshittery that was going to come later. On top of all that you now get to see that your friend, who was supposedly dead for the passed seventy plus years, is now working for the bad guys and doesn't remember you at all. Not to mention the fact he's now being sent to kill you by the very people who you thought were the good guys and have been working for this whole time._

_I just hate this... all of it! I'm done with the lies, I'm sick of not being able to trust my team, tired of all the fighting that's seemed to be going non-stop since I first joined the military seventy years ago. I willingly gave my life to stop all the fighting, I died to make it all stop! To keep people safe, to bring a better and brighter tomorrow; I died so we could stop fighting and just live out our lives happily with our families. Instead what do I get to wake up to? A world so full of hate that we are riding close on another world war and no one can even look at someone the wrong way without someone thinking they want to bomb them back to the stone age! That is the world I woke up to and have been trying my best to fix. Whatever happened in those seventy years obviously hasn't been anything good. In terms of national relations, whatever happened in those years I was in the ice have seriously messed up our country and it's relation with the rest of the world..._

_God... Just- just why does everyone have to hate each other? I don't understand it. Back in the day you could walk down the street and at least get a friendly smile out of someone passing by on the street, if not a kind 'hello, nice day, huh?' from someone. Now you can't even look at someone without them averting their eyes or sending a glare your way. What happened to people? What happened to everyone taking care of one another, actually caring about one another and really wanting to better the world? What happened to that?! Why did people change so much? What happened to make people so scared of one another? Just why? Why, why, WHY?! The world has changed so much and not for the better. Why do people have to hate so much? Why do they-"_

Throwing himself away from his desk Steve stood up and turned his back on the laptop. He dragged a hand through his messy blonde hair, heaving a sigh as he made himself calm down from the massive rant he'd just written. Just how long had he been sitting there? Dare he even look at the clock? It had already been late when he sat down and opened that damn thing to try and write out his feelings. Should he look at the clock? Hesitantly he looked over to his night stand.

"3:41 AM" those red numbers read on that black faced clock. 

"Shit... Jarvis?" the soldier asked timidly.

"Yes, Captain Rogers? Was it another recalling of your memories, Sir?"

"Yeah." he sighed, running a hand through his hair again. "What do you think?"

There was a short pause from the A.I before he spoke up in that ever so crisp voice of his.

"I'd recommend you take several deep breathes, get a cool drink and simply relax for the time being, Sir. Going to sleep might cause nightmares and result in more loss of sleep."

Sighing again Steve ran a hand through his hair again and huffed a light chuckle. Yeah, J was more then likely right about the whole sleeping thing. A nightmare was the last thing he wanted right now. Really, the last thing he needed too. Already being in the mental state he was, sleeping was the last thing he should be trying to do. 

"Alright... alright, alright. Hey, is there anyone in the lounge?"

"No. Everyone is in their assigned rooms."

With that Steve nodded, mostly to himself, before heading down into the lounge and turning on the T.V to just waste some time before he eventually passed out there on the sofa for anyone to find him like that the following morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Might do some more little writing like this from different character's perspectives.  
> Not sure...
> 
> Let me know what you think-  
> Thanks guys.
> 
> ~SR


End file.
